Today I’m sharing the heart-wrenching article I wrote 19 years ago when I began to totally trust God for the first time. "MY YES BROUGHT GREAT JOY" appeared in Billy Graham’s Decision Magazine (Circulation 400,000 who hopefully were encouraged by its theme.)
“After the birth of our third child my husband, Wayne, and I had received medical advice not to have any more children. But here I was, pregnant again.
Depression engulfed me. Emotionally I faced the possibility of two horrible outcomes: If hemorrhaging occurred, as it had during my third pregnancy, and I was unable to receive immediate Cesarean surgery and transfusions, the baby and I would both die.
Another fear was that this newly forming life might be destroyed within my womb by my own antibodies because of previous RH blood factor complications. If this baby should need a total blood transfusion at birth, the baby's brain could be damaged during the difficult transfusion process. Clearly my own health and the mental and physical health of the baby were at risk.
Then there 'was my emerging career. I was ready for the world beyond the home. I was reluctant to interrupt my beginnings of college courses and part-time teaching.
For me the most significant argument of all against this pregnancy was our three children; I knew that I didn't want to leave them motherless! I began to consider seriously an option-abortion.
But one question. kept on disturbing me. Was this pregnancy an accident, or was it the hand of God directing my life? If this turmoil inside me were the result of my deepening relationship with God, I felt betrayed and cried out, 'God, just how involved are You in my life?'
The words in Psalm 23 spoke to me of a personal God who shelters his own: "Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me" (Psalm 23:4, KJV). Would God protect me? Was he part of this?
One evening my neighbor, Judy, came over to visit. I shared my deep fears and confusion with her. 'Judy, I have to know if things really do happen for a purpose-if God is in control of all aspects of our lives. Or do we humans just make mistakes that result in accidents?'
I knew what I wanted to believe, but was it true? Judy listened thoughtfully, bounced ideas back and forth with me, then asked, 'What does Wayne think you should do?'
I told her that Wayne was as concerned as I was but that he would not choose an abortion for me. He had told me that the final decision was mine. That night I fell asleep with the question of whether to have an abortion foremost in my thoughts.
The next day I awoke knowing what I would do! Perhaps my friend had prayed; I knew that Wayne had prayed. With quietness and confidence I chose to place my trust in God. If it were time for me to die, I would; if I would have to rear a brain-damaged child, I could. I would not destroy this new life within me! As for my "career," it wasn't worth the life of our child.
On March 27; 1972, Daniel Thomas was born. He was named Daniel after that great man of God whose trust in God never failed, and Thomas for his mother who'd had to overcome doubt before she could fully trust.
Daniel's birth was premature, an emergency Cesarean section, but miraculously he did not need a total blood transfusion.
Daniel, God's great gift, is precious beyond words! Far from being brain-damaged, Daniel today is a bright student and an excellent athlete.
Looking back, the interruption in my career was brief and barely noticeable from the perspective of a lifetime. How can I compare that to the life of my son?
Watching Dan mature has been all the more treasured because of this decision that had meant his life or death. I do not question the loving intervention of God in my life."
DECISION MAGAINE April 1991
[That's Dan shown in the picture above with his Dad at Wayne's birthday this year .]
Trusting God is a major theme in my mystery novel, Directive 99.