Death Comes

“Come back here. I never said you could die Alexander Graham Rolfs.“ We gave our chocolate lab a prestigious name because his large brown eyes and regal fur coat required it.

Only a dog, only a constant companion, twenty-four, seven.  Our chocolate lab Alex would come with us everywhere. He’d jump into the car, never caring where we were heading; being close to us was his delight.

Every time I moved  from room to room in our home, we became a parade because he jumped up to follow me, all ninety pounds. How crazy is that? In the last year of his twelve years of life this wasn’t easy. I’d try not to get up too often so he could stay put.

How do you lose a spouse, a brother, sister, or, gasp, a child? I can’t even tolerate the death of my dog. I’ve lost my parents, brother and our precious grandson. I learned back then grief has no final chapter, only death does.

Sobs come from some place in my body that has an ability to produce sound I wouldn’t know how to create. Like a pit within me erupting.

So why death God?

Does growing older mean we only increase the number of deaths we must endure?

Lessons, yes we got them. The value of love and loyalty – daybreak to daybreak - two qualities we could depend on no matter who else disappointed us. Our chocolate lab never would.

Oh Alex could be naughty, if we left the garbage can lid unlocked, his nose got him in trouble every time. He didn’t always come when he should. But he’d prance back as if he’d done no wrong, just a bit delayed in executing his response to my command, tail wagging with innocence.

How can you love a dog so much?

How can God love us so much? I know beyond doubt I understand God’s love better because of Alex.

The evening he died the family members who could come arrived. We shared our memories as Alex lay dead in the center of our circle on his favorite rug in front of the fireplace he loved. We cried and laughed together because that’s what people need to do. Celebrate and mourn.

Then four dog-bearers carried Alex on a carpet to his outdoor grave in our woods alongside the house.

Our adult daughter Pam carried the lit candle, which was needed because ritual mattered – it signified the solemnity we all felt. The commemoration of a life that brought so much joy to us all had to be very special.

We placed his favorite stuffed toy alongside him, circled his grave and said an Our Father. Surely Jesus’ favorite prayer was right for this.

I was asked by my husband to toss the first spade of dirt. Three times I tried and stopped, I said, I so don’t want to do this.

How could I cover up the body that lay next to our bed on the floor every night as we slept, the body under the dining table on which I rested my feet during every meal? The one who sensed my every mood.

Finally I fought off the dread and did what needed doing. Isn’t that what the living are always left to do?

Where, what could ever replace any human life or beloved pet? Nothing replaces what was. Knowing this is what makes death so wretchedly hard. We can only wait.

Are there animals in heaven? Does anybody who knows God intimately need to ask that question?

The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.” Job 1:21

BOOKS FOR YOUR LIFE JOURNEY

Love Always, Mom  is a story of life, love and healing.

Unforgettable Stories For Kids – For summer time fun with your children or grandchildren read one of these unforgettable, purely imaginative stories aloud and encourage your children to write a story of their own. Maybe plot a story of your own along with them. My ten-year-old granddaughters favorite is The Wodgets.

Keep Breathless Minute Meditations on your phone or Ipad for quick inspiration or a God moment when you’re in nature.

Secrets To Being A Super Grandparent will give you lots of ideas for memorable activities.

   

Books available through amazon, Barnes & Noble, & select local bookstores.

INTIMCY REVIVER FREE Help for healthy marriage at website:

www.judithrolfs.com

Family and Easter

Nothing is as special as the real physical family we’re born in or married into! One of my greatest joys on earth is the special feeling I have when I’m with my family. I like knowing any details of life they’re willing to share and I feel privileged to pray for them every day. Don’t you love being with yours– immediate and extended.

I wrote my previous blog about the figurative family of God, our brothers and sisters in Christ - some suffer and are in need – and our desire as Christians to care for them. Yes, they are important. But I want to make clear that in no way do I equate this with the specialness of my physical blood-linked and covenant linked family on earth.

It’s amazing how extended family becomes ever more dear as the years zip by– aunts, uncles, brothers, sisters, nieces, nephews, even our first great niece (gasp) precious Josephine. Facebook helps us stay connected.

Family is a warm, safe, place in your mind and heart – whether you’re physically close or separated by miles. Strong, connected families matter to God. Jesus exalted the family structure. Remember one of Jesus’ final deeds spoken from the cross was to make sure his mother was taken care of by asking the apostle John to look after her.

Easter will soon be here. Many of us celebrate by connecting again with extended family as we did at Christmas. Which leads me to encourage anyone who has a broken relationship with another family member whatever the issue to rethink it. It’s not worth savoring and clinging to your hurt. I urge you to give God your pain. He knows how to heal you. Chalk up your differences to human imperfection. Can you possibly admit that you just maybe aren’t perfect either and forget the pain from the past?

Dislikes can happen. Not all extended family is easy to live with, personality types may clash, but there is an oh so sweet bond that forever links you together and something in your spirit won’t feel entirely whole until you make peace. We don’t have to like everything about our family members. We can still love one another. And even have fun together.

As a counselor I work in the realm of families and have observed firsthand how family divisions destroy inner peace. The primary reason people seek counseling is because of rifts in the family – with a marriage partner, parents, a child or grief over the loss of a family member. Resolution of these issues is a privilege to behold.

Anyone coming to mind? Perhaps do something unexpected and beautiful for the person who has offended you. Send an old-fashioned, still meaningful gift of flowers, candy – whatever - find a way to say you’re still family and important in my life.

What an amazing Lenten sacrifice, an Easter gift, is the humility to say a thank You prayer to the Lord for the family He’s placed you in and added others into.

A suggested family prayer might be: Lord, Help me love them because You do and because You command me to love them as well.  Show me ways I can do good to these precious people who form my physical family on earth.

Yes the family of God is important, but nothing compares to the real, physical family we do life with on earth. Ours is awesome!

This blog is for all our children and their spouses and in-law connections and our grandchildren, and for Joy and Dave and Jennifer and Chris and Nikolas and Frank and Catherine &your children and  Jenny and Craig and your sons, and Dawn, and Jessica and Tony your Josephine, Lauren, Al and your little ones. Lindsay and Carrie and Kyle and Molly and Kevin and your daughters, Glenn and Judy and Greg and Summer and your sons, Bill & Sue, Kathy and Bob, Jim and Jacqueline, Sue, Melissa, Josh, Crissie & Russ and all your precious children and Tanis and Nancy and Gail and Karen and Dorothy and Muriel, Cindy, Jeanne, John and your families. Roger and Marilyn, Jay and Judy and your children. And of course our family in heaven – our four parents, my brother Jim, grandson Drew and cousin Chuck in heaven and for all the yet to be born family members! (And anyone I inadvertently left out.)

"Do you have any idea how very homesick we became for you dear friends (and family). Even though it hadn't been that long and it was only our bodies that were separated from you, not our hearts, we tried our very best to get back to see you. You can't imagine how much we missed you!" 

The words of Paul in Scripture verse: 1 Thess. 2:17-18 Message Bible

A Thought Catcher

From the vantage of my lifetime of counseling, I’m occasionally asked what message I’d give women today. Here’s my humbly offered answer:

Be a thought checker, desire not just any thoughts but ones that stir your soul because souls are quite important and they get too little attention today.

If you doubt this, consider when were you last asked, “How’s your soul doing?” When women get together do they chat about dates, or husbands if they’re married, kids, jobs, or what’s spiritually inspired them recently? Do young women know more about latest fashion trends and body supplements than about soul nourishment?

So my advice is to think deep, go deep with God. Make sure you’re thinking your own thoughts. This means taking time to examine ideas you absorb from our culture, being sure you agree and approve. Make sure faith is yours, one that you’ve studied through yourself.

What are your soul goals? We’re only a month into the New Year. How about forming some soul goals?

What might these look like? Maybe memorize one Scripture verse that really speaks to you of God’s love for you. Carry it in your head forever.

Find a favorite passage all your own that comforts you and turn to it often.

Read about a person deeply spiritual who lived before, how did they live out real faith and how might you take a lesson for your own life?

Open your mouth. Ask questions. Speak about the huge romance, the exciting mystery of God with someone with whom you’ve never had the conversation before. 

Leash any passion that’s ungodly – overeating, overspending, overdoing - and release every passion that’s godly. Pretty simple, pretty strong – that’s God’s plan for woman.

Also be your own stylemaker. Set the trend that fulfills your deepest longing and moral yearning for truth and beauty and goodness.

If you have children make sure you teach them to think for themselves, to study ideas, give them quiet times to reflect. My character Quid in the Tommy Smurlee series often speaks a famous quote or makes up a life thought that fits the occasion he’s in. He’s always thinking.

Married gals remember marriage is about stirring more than scrambled eggs or cake batter. Stir the souls of your spouse, become real soul-mates. Talk about cultural questions, unresolved fears. Getting back to Scripture: read a chapter together with your husband and children after dinner, or ONE verse at every meal. Probe the Bible until an applicable idea  pierces you.

Want an exciting, non-boring life packed with joy days? Go deeper with the giver of every good and perfect gift, the God who is the huge I AM and the amazing Always Was.

Speak, ask, listen. S-A-L every day.

The women who charge the home, the work place, the world get charged first with spiritual energy and keep their souls strong.

We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. 2 Corinthians 10:5

A few thoughts, a reminder to me as well.